A long and winding love letter to doulas

Gili Levitin / In Her Body, River’s labor, Dec 2018. Photo by Zak Suhar.

I love being pregnant and if I didn’t have to see doctors, I would think I was a relatively healthy pregnant person. In both pregnancies, I rarely experienced nausea, didn’t have any morning sickness either time, and didn’t find it to be particularly difficult (…with the exception of the last month when you are just so massive it’s hard to move!). 

However, with both pregnancies, my blood pressure has gone up and, with that, a barrage of fear and stress has been thrown at me from the medical industry. 

While I know high blood pressure is nothing to mess around with, I also knew what was happening when I went to the doctor since it happened in my previous pregnancy… I was so nervous about having a high blood pressure reading, that I had… you guessed it, exceptionally high readings in the office, and nearly normal readings at home. 

Because I was getting these high readings in the office, the midwives I was seeing in a hospital setting started talking about inducing me…  (hello liability concerns!)

So, after much mental gymnastics, I switched my care at 36 weeks to a home birth, got in touch with my doula from NYC, Gili Levitin (@inherbody), and hired a local doula in LA, Rebecca Belenky. 

I knew I could have a natural birth at home.

I knew what was happening in my body as I could acutely feel my anxiety heighten at each doctor’s appointment and my heart start to race (up 145 beats per minute… just from my lizard brain thinking getting a blood pressure reading was equal to being stalked by a tiger!).

I just needed someone to actually listen to me and see me as a human (with a bad case of white coat syndrome and some PTSD from inexplicably going blind a few years ago) and not a statistic or set of numbers. 

And here begins my love letter to doulas. 

Rebecca Belenky, Sierra’s labor, July 2021. Photo by Zak Suhar.

The two women who helped me to find my power to birth the way I wished without fear and interference were my doulas, Gili and Rebecca, from NYC and LA, respectively. They were the first two people to listen to me and respond without doubt and fear-based “what-if” scenarios, and shared two things with me that became maxims throughout the last four weeks of my pregnancy with Sierra:

Gili specializes in the mind-body connection and helped me reframe what I was capable of into a superpower of sorts… If I could raise my blood pressure that much in a certain setting, it’s possible I was also capable of the opposite…. 🤯 #mindblown… I started to refocus my attention in this direction and while I wasn’t able to master this in a few weeks, I did make some progress, simply by working with my mind and energy. 

And Rebecca encouraged me to reclaim my power as a woman, a birther and a mother. While this may seem like simple advice, it’s not that easy to reclaim your power when you are in a system that considers you the person with the least power and knowledge in the room. Thank you for helping me to make the best choice for me for this pregnancy and giving me the confidence to make a switch at the 11th hour.

I have utmost respect for doctors and Western medicine. I also hope that there can be a new system of care where Eastern and Western medicine, ancient wisdom, energetics / somatics, diet, movement, and mental health can all work in tandem to prioritize individualized and holistic well-being and science-based medicine. One doesn’t have to exclude the other.

I’m sharing all of this very personal information with the hopes that it inspires you to: 

— Hire a doula, they are invaluable!!
— Support and listen to birthing people! We used to birth surrounded by the wisdom and care of a community of other birthing people… We know how to birth and need to reclaim this ancient power whether you choose to birth in a hospital, birthing center or at home. 
— Know that even at 36 weeks, you have choices. If something isn’t working for you, trust your instincts, do your research and make a change. 

Additional thanks to the following people for helping me through the last bit of my pregnancy: Haize Hawke, Elizabeth Flint, and John Suhar (always). Special thanks to Zak Suhar for capturing these moments.

If you would like to hire Gili as a doula, take her doula training (Mind-Body Birthkeepers) or take her hypnobirthing courses, you can connect with her virtually from anywhere in the world and find her on Instagram @inherbody.

If you are in LA and would like to hire Rebecca for birth and postpartum doula services, you can visit rebeccabelenky.com

If you are looking for a birth photographer in NYC, visit zaksuhar.com (@zaksuhar). If you are looking for a birth photographer in LA, visit johnsuhar.com (@jtsuhar).

Rebecca pouring water down my back. Photo by Zak Suhar.

Gili using physical touch to ease sensations. Photo by Zak Suhar.